Shipbuilding
by coolbyrne
Summary: When all you see is the worst of humankind, what do you see when you close your eyes?


Title: Shipbuilding

Author: coolbyrne

Rating: G

Disclaimer: The characters of Tony Hill and Carol Jordan belong to Val McDermid. I write them because I love them, not because I'm making money from them.

A/N: I suppose this would be considered pre-season 4, though to be honest, if I had to choose, I tend to stick with book canon over show canon. That being said, there is one line in this fic that hints at a more involved Tony/Carol relationship that is neither in the show nor the books!

Summary: When all you see is the worst of humankind, what do you see when you close your eyes?

---

"Where do you go, I wonder."

Tony's gaze slowly came back from a point on his mental horizon and he turned away from the whiteboard to the woman at his side. His eyes gradually sharpened and the warm half-smile of Carol Jordan came into focus. His mind wasn't as quick.

"Sorry?" he asked, slightly puzzled at her comment.

"When you leave like that," she answered, vaguely gesturing to her eyes. "There comes a point where I know you're not looking at the evidence. You go somewhere in your head."

"Mmm," he replied, though it was hard to tell whether it was in agreement or not.

When he didn't say anything more, she assumed he had said all he wanted to say, in that habit he had of not saying much at all, and she turned to the photos pinned on the board. Three young girls smiled at her. Three young girls, any of whom could have been Carol's daughter, had she listened to her mother ten years ago. Now, all she had to ignore was her biological clock. She frowned at the school photos. Carol was certain they weren't smiling now, wherever they were.

"I envy you," she admitted, and despite the focus of her attention, Tony knew she was speaking to him. "I wish I could go somewhere. In my head." Now she turned to him and crossed her arms. "Do you ever get tired of what we do? The futility of it, I mean." Tony tilted his head at the question. "We catch this one –if we're lucky –and there's another one to take their place. We'd have better luck bailing out a sinking ship with a spoon."

Tony sat on the edge of a nearby desk and pressed his lips together in thought. Shaking his head, he said, "I don't agree, Carol. I don't see it that way, anyway."

"No?"

"No. Though I suppose that's because I've always had difficulty seeing the big picture." A small smile turned up the corners of Carol's mouth at his admission. "Those girls," he pointed at the board with his chin, "they deserve more. Looking ahead prevents me from seeing what's now. And that's not fair to them."

"No, you're right, of course," Carol agreed. "It's just increasingly difficult when the files on my desk move, but never change."

A silence descended on the small room as Carol's attention returned to the photos. Tony, in contrast, looked only at Carol. There was a tightness around the outer corners of her eyes and a deep line drew between her eyebrows. She brought up a finger to her lips and everything about her standing there was all angles, unlike the soft curves he had been blessed to see in the comfort of his bed.

"A wooden bench along the shore," he said, as if it was part of their conversation.

She turned, startled, "What?"

"That's where I go," he answered and tipped his forehead. "Up here." This drew out another smile from Carol. He looked off to the side. "A wooden bench along the shore. A sunny day and a warm breeze. I'm looking out to sea." His eyes narrowed as if he could see the image in front of him. "Funny, I've never seen a sinking boat."

Carol laughed despite herself. "Really." Then, with meaning, she said, "It sounds very peaceful."

"It is."

"You don't get lonely, sitting on that bench all by yourself?"

Tony shook his head. "I'm not alone. You're there with me."

She blinked several times at his words. "You know, you have the ability to say the best things when you don't even realize it." Pleased at the flush that burned his cheeks, she added, "I might not have a wooden bench, but you'll do."

Covering up his embarrassment at her praise, he deadpanned, "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Carol."

"Any man would be chuffed at that kind of compliment," Carol deadpanned in return. "It means you're solid, dependable, and will always be there." She held his gaze with her own. "You will, yeah?"

"Down with the ship, Captain."

She smiled and tapped the board. Renewed, she said, "Right. Let's get back to it."

-end.


End file.
